Wednesday, 25 April 2012
It's been about two months.. about 2 months of anxiety and arrangements and some slight drama that comes when you start doing things and start doing them with other people irl and not just spending time inside your head. That's the funny thing about real life: everything affects everything. So when you get the good, you will inevitably also get the uncomfortable and confrontational.
About 2 months in Finland now. Things are.... different. Let's use a tired ole metaphor: It's like swimming in the sea. Mexico has proven to be not so much a time out as a paddling pool. Now I've been cast into the sea and told to sink or swim. Nay, not sink or swim, to figure out how to not only survive but to thrive in a new environment. This environment includes myself. First lesson is to understand that I can. Second lesson is to expand on that to see myself clearly in as many aspects as I can. This process never ends for as long as there's breath in me. The third lesson is to apply myself to this new environment either by changing things in it that are not functional, seeing what is good and worth cherishing and what is not and by learning to accept things that are not within my power to change and therefore just the little things that I need to brush off. I am not the lord of all universe, just a dust spec. Dust spec with the ability to cause a big bang. :)
There are 2 big challenges in this new place: to be myself and to figure out what I want my life to be. The rest of it is just details on how to make it all functional and mobile so I can carry this (myself, my goals, my happiness) with me.
To be blunt and less philosophical: I don't exactly enjoy the place I've been dropped into. The more I talk to people, the less it seems like most of them actually enjoy their life. With all the fast internet connections, drinking water on tap, social security and free education.. there is little appreciation of life, less focus on spreading this abundance. The lack of connection between people is tangible. There's also the staggering difference that comes from having absolutely everything handed to you, with no questions asked and when you have to work for every little benefit, starting from a floor that's not made of dirt. Or a roof. Or a front door. The focus on things that are considered important and worth your effort is simply dumbfounding and takes a while to get used to.
And then comes the inevitable realisation that all these things, these things that make up the bulk of our every day life, the embellishments that hold our interest when living in abundance, are not important.
It's also rather telling that most of the liver transplants made in Finland apparently are because of liver failures due to excessive use of "natural products" in pill form. You know the ones that claim to have the pure essence of this or that food/nut/seed/endangered species in them that the long lost tribe of MooMoo has been using for everything ever for centuries? Yeah, those. With the little text at the back of the box that says "may cause liver damage".
This is what we focus on. On what temperature our coffee is roasted in, did it grow on the south or north face of the hill, was the chocolate grown 2000 or 3000km above sea level, if we're going to lose 5 kilos in 5 weeks to look good enough at the beach, if the bouncer is making more money than the client and if their attitude is uppity so we can punch them after the bar closes and why exactly are bar owners so greedy that we can't get a cheaper buzz?
Good grief, Charlie Brown.
My desires changed in Mexico. I left 9 boxes of books and household items in Finland, after some screening, and thought that these things.. they were relevant. They were the most me and they were dear to me and I would be happy to have them again. Then I got back and noticed that I hadn't missed those things. I had little to no use for them and, most astonishingly, the things that I left because I thought they represented something personal to me, are not things that I like anymore. People change, but that my whole taste in.. well, everything, changed? But that's what happened.
Almost everything has had to go. Coffee cups, books, clothing. None of it looks like me anymore. Yes, I even had to get a new coffee cup because frankly, the old one made me cringe.
It's not important.
It's not what I'd do.
So here's the current situation:
I'm looking for a job in a new field. I'm working to employ myself efficiently. I'm also applying to study here, either to use our free education system and if that doesn't pan out, use a little money to keep learning regardless. I'm seeing the city. These places that I "never had the time" to explore, I'm exploring now that I'm here. I'll find pieces of myself that make me happy, pieces that can contribute to a greater good and shine for everyone. I will love, smile and breathe because I have the ability to be myself no matter the location and doing these things is what I can do every day for other people. There's something big coming. Something larger I can do. I just need to keep my heart open to the world.
This location is temporary. Just like everything else. It'll last for a heartbeat and when it's gone I don't want to have to regret NOT experienceing it. I'll learn how to swim with elegance and dive with purpose.
On that note, there's a little change I want to make with this blog. It'll be in smaller instalments, with more images, to share things that are important. Not just the huge things, but the little things that are important every day. That's the least I can do for anyone reading this. And then I'll hug you when I'll see you. :)
Looky how small we are!