Monday, 16 January 2012
On time and postcards
And so the time passes. For anyone keeping count, I have roughly about a month to go (a little over, I think. Month and 1,5 weeks?) before I get to reintroduce myself to the Finnish culture.
I don't want to.
There, I said it. And it's probably not the first time I've said it in this blog.
I don't want to go back.
Not in a physical way or a psychological way.
Ok, so the second part of that is kind of already taken care of. I'm going back with much more than I packed coming here. The trick with utilizing what I've learned about everything so far is to try and somehow recreate being around people and meeting new ones as much as possible in Finland.
Yes, I will be attempting to hang out with friends and family as much as possible in the country famous for people not hanging out like that.
Never let it be said that I didn't take on more challenging tasks.
Not sure if I'm packing my heart with me when going back.
I'm not. Yup, sure that I'm not.
The intention was that I should start applying for jobs this weekend. Sending out applications and trying to figure out what sort of benefits I might be applicable and can I start applying now or do I have to wait until I'm in Finland. The plan was also to meet friends because boy howdy, when you open your heart to people and let them get comfortable there, the feeling of loneliness is SO much more intense when they're not there. I suppose this is why people have a lot of friends. I get it now. Do I always have to be the last to know how much I like people?
Needless to say this plan failed miserably this weekend. There was a little reading of government sites then a really good book (Siddhartha by Hermann Hesse. If you haven't read it, you should. Now. It's not long, so shoo. I'll wait.... Ok.. did you read it already? it's on Project Gutenberg, so now you have no excuse. Come back when you've read the book) and then attempting to go see a fun movie for a change - Sherlock Holmes - only to wind up seeing possibly the most depressing movie I've seen in a long while.. even if it did have a cute naked young man. We Need To Talk About Kevin: it's a good movie, but women will remember it for the same reason they remember Donnie Darko.
Dear movie people, you really need to stop doing that. It's very inappropriate to start feeling that way when you're supposed to be immerged in psychological torture.
So yeah, not quite what I had in mind and at this point, I'm starting to feel the days slipping through my fingers, but the inevitable doesn't have to be bad. Just challenging. Winter. Finland. Please for the love of god someone get me a cute young man to wrap myself into to protect me from the cold!
Ok, this might have something to do with the fact that every single person I talk to keeps asking if I have a husband or a boyfriend in Mexico and then telling me I should just get married to one since it's eazy peazy for me to get a fella what with being cute and blonde.
I appreciate the compliments, but somehow, even after almost 5 months, this has not happened, so I'm thinking it would require more.
The canadian girl in my class met her mexican BF the first day she was here. Oh, and i'm the ONLY single person in my class.
This schtick, it's getting mighty old and blunt.
So because this area of my life is non-functional, I have to entertain myself with sending useless promotional postcards back to the companies who made them.
Yes, this is how I spend my time.
Don't judge me, you would've done the same if you were given a pretty postcard as a promotional gift at a restaurant only to find out that you can't send it to a friend to tell them to go eat at the place because the address field is pre-filled with the restaurant's own address.
Promoting: UR doin' it rong!
I sent them feedback in Finnish.
Yeah, this being a better person thing might take a wee while yet. Though I did give them mostly positive feedback, so maybe I feel more guilty than I should.
Fear comes from doubt and doubt comes from things left unspoken. There are a great deal of things that still need to be said. In the chain of events that holds the past, the present and the future, only this moment counts in how the chain will shape out in moments to come. The heart fears when it has things to hide. This I still need to fix before the time runs out.